Character	Xu Si Bai
Appearance	Memory Lost
Media	Chinese Drama
Type	Yandere
Love Interest	Bai Jin Xi/ Su Mian

Xu Si Bai is an extremely talented medical expert and forensic scientist. He is highly popular among the girls for his good looks, intelligence, and gentle nature. Xu Si Bai is a close friend of Bai Jin Xi.

SPOILERS AND PERSONAL OPINION

As it turns out, Xu Si Bai is “S”, the leader of the criminal organization the Black Shield Team was facing. He was responsible for Su Mian’s memory lost, and the replacement of her identity as Bai Jin Xi. Since young, “S” had harbored deep affections for Su Mian, and had long to be by her side.

As a child, “S” lived in a harsh environment. He was brought up by his father, a serial killer. He was trained in criminal acts, and learned to be ruthless for survival.

One time, his father used him as a bait and lured a police officer to the edge of a building during their scuffle. The police officer was pushed down the building and was killed as a result. The officer was none other than Su Mian’s father.

In a sense, Jin Xi’s father had died while trying to save “S”. As such, he secretly visited his funeral. That was when he met Su Mian for the first time. He was thirteen, while Su Mian was eight.

In a feeble attempt to console her, “S” approached her and told her to let go of her grievance. Unexpectedly, Su Mian replied that until she found those who were responsible for her father’s death, she would not let it go. Surprised that such a young girl have the courage to pursue the matter, “S” began to take an interest in her.

From then on, “S” kept a close watch on Su Mian, keeping track of her whereabouts and what went on in her life. He started to fall in love with her. Unfortunately, skilled in the acts of crime as he was, “S” was not taught the most basic of human emotions. He knows nothing of love, and does not know how to react to such emotions.

“S” began to keep multiple photographs of Su Mian in his room. He also had a big display, which he used to view recordings of Su Mian repeatedly. He knew everything about Su Mian; he was obsessed with her.

As he continued his close monitoring of Su Mian, he found out about her relationship with Han Chen, and realized that he could not bare to watch on as she gets further away from his reach. Thus, he devised an intricate plan for Su Mian and himself to start anew.

As Su Mian was an intern in the police force, he manipulated her into posing as an undercover and entering his organization’s hideout out of her own will. Once inside, he kept her locked in the room, while he and his organization members successfully deflected the police rescue team that came to save Su Mian.

The criminal organization tricked the original Bai Jin Xi, Su Mian’s younger cousin, into entering the hideout as well. They had her dressed up to look like Su Mian before killing her, which created the false impression among the police force that Su Mian had died.

Finally, having both Su Mian and Han Chen captured, “S”, along with the both of them underwent a memory alteration operation. Selectively, their memory got erased. Now, Su Mian will live on as Bai Jin Xi, while “S” will adopt a new identity as Xu Si Bai. Meanwhile, Han Chen got years of his memory erased, effectively forgetting that he had ever met Su Mian, or that they were a couple.

Years later, “S”, now as Xu Si Bai, became a close friend of Su Mian. He had adopted a new identity, and a new career in medicine. Even without his memory, he still fell in love with Su Mian. He would often visit her at work, cook her favorite dishes for her during lunch, and even help with forensic sciences should she need his expertise.

Unfortunately, Han Chen reappeared in Su Mian’s life, and a series of action by the criminal organization resulted in the awakening of Xu Si Bai’s memory as “S”. Even so, for Su Mian, he no longer wanted to be a part of the criminals, but desired a peaceful life with her. To keep his identity hidden, he even tried to kill off one of his organization member, “K”.

However, as things began to stray further away from what he had originally planned, he went back in contact with the criminal organization and took the place as their leader again. There, he planned for a second operation to set things straight again.

“S” knew that Su Mian would only have hatred for him should she knew of his true identity. Hence, he wanted to erase Su Mian’s memory again. He was willing to repeat this over and over, even if it takes a lifetime, as long as Su Mian would love him in the end.

Ultimately, his plan did not succeed a second time. As both Han Chen and “S” lay severely injured in their final battle, both could hear Su Mian’s call for Han Chen. It gave Han Chen the determination to live, but for “S”, the resolve to die. While, it is hinted that “S” managed to survive after the incident, it seems that he no longer had to will to break Han Chen and Su Mian apart, even though he still loves her.

Honestly, “S”, or Xu Si Bai, is by far my favorite character in the drama, and one of my favorite character of all time. I cannot emphasize just how much I love this character. His motive, personality, and appearance are all on point.

“S” was willing to go against the entire world and commit the largest scale of crime, just to start afresh with Su Mian. It wasn’t even his fault that her father was killed by his father, but he still took it as his responsibility nonetheless. Sadly, Su Mian hated him for it as well.

He would fantasize about a world where he wasn’t a son of a criminal, and Su Mian’s father wasn’t murdered by his father. In such a world, would things have turn out differently for the both of them? Would they be able to live a happy and peaceful life together, enjoying each other’s company?

I really empathized with “S” when he vocalized such thoughts, as all he wanted was the forgiveness, acceptance, and love of Su Mian.

The amount of things “S” is willing to sacrifice for Su Mian is astounding. He could forsake his organization, the members in it, his memory, and even his own identity. He changed himself to become a person that Su Mian would like, forsaking everything that he had ever knew, yet it wasn’t enough.

As Xu Si Bai, “S” is always supportive and understanding of Su Mian, whatever she does. He patiently stayed by her side all along, helping her whenever she needs, providing comfort when she was stressed out. All the time and effort he has, he spent on Su Mian, just so that she can be happy.

Honestly, give me Han Chen and “S”, and I would pick the latter without batting an eye. And I could go on and on about this character, but I fear that my less than spectacular narrative will turn into annoying, repetitive ramblings that will put you readers off. My words alone cannot accurately describe how awesome a character “S” is. So I hope you really check out the drama and see for yourself.

A pity the actor seems to be new to the field, so his expressions may be rigid at times. But for a beginner, his performance was spectacular. Not to mention, what good looks! Now, everything will be perfect, if not for his weird hairdo as Xu Si Bai. (This I cannot ignore, no matter how much I love him.) I much prefer his attire as “S”. I shall end this post with an image of “S” during a costume ball, see for yourself the fine man he is.